Leading and Supportive Love: The Truth About Dominant and Submissive Relationships

The truth about Dominant and submissive relationships isn't that we are an alternative lifestyle within the BDSM arena, it's that we are a strong and supportive relationship type that goes beyond and sometimes without kink. Chris Lyon has written a fantastic book that does a great job describing and detailing the two roles of a leading and supportive relationship without all the kink, discipline and fetish mumbo jumbo that tends to muddy our understanding when we get involved in BDSM.First and foremost this book is about couples that agree and migrate towards a type of relationship where one person leads and the other supports. It is the basis of any strong D/s relationship. Leading and Supportive Love - The Truth About Dominant and Submissive Relationships should be a recommended reading for every person interested in D/s relationships so that we can learn just who we are as people and the roles we play in a relationship without having to talk about kink, punishment, rules, BDSM play or sex. This book does what every BDSM relationship book should have done; lay down the essential parts of each person in the relationship and why leading and supportive relationships work.I also feel that therapists and counselors would learn a lot about this sort of relationship and use it to their advantage in counseling couples and individuals that fit this relationship type. Lyon expresses that need in this book too. If you have a therapist that doesn't quite get why you are submitting to your partner or what you get out of it, I recommend getting them this book. You don't have to out yourself as kinky to do it either. Lyon doesn't talk about kink or BDSM as the only way this relationship type exists.Because it isn't.Everyday couples are leading a Leading/supportive relationship without being kinky, without thinking they are out of the ordinary and without having to label it as D/s or M/s. It's just how they function and it works for them.So, come read this book. My favorite sections were the detailed profiles of how the two roles identify each other and the traits that they often exhibit. You will find yourself nodding along with them as I did. You'll read case illustrations about different struggles, relationship help and details that may make you think about your relationship differently. If you aren't sure if you are a leader or a supportive type, check out the profiles yourself. This book also has several chapters talking about common issues that L/s relationships face and ways to work through them. It's a wonderful self-help book for the experienced long term relationship that may be hitting a wall in their relationship.Overall I can't recommend this book enough. It's become a go to for me to express thoughts and ideas when it comes to D/s and it is going to go on my recommended reading list for novices. It's just that good. I've read it twice already. Leading and Supportive Love by Chris Lyon is an excellent resource, full of the details that people looking for a D/s relationship really need. The who's, the whys and the possible issues that may occur.

5/23 AFTER completing the book The words below are even more true. I have found a deeper understanding of my own personality traits and have learned better skills to deal with life's ups and downs, I have been able to deal with a change in my life and breath and be through this process and let go with in a 24 hr period. I now have tools that will assist me in making a better life for myself and any and all eventual relationships ( personal and professional) Chris is amazing and supportive! GET THIS BOOK!The book gives insight into how our personalities and behaviors can directly influence our relationships. It let's you understand who you are by clearly pointing out common behavior patterns and expectations that a person will hold on to. I am currently taking the on line class that goes into more detail of the book and presents it in a clear logical way just like this book.I found a deeper understanding of why I do or behave in a certain way and that it is healthy and life affirming.Reading this book also gives me insight into my eventual counterpart and I see myself finding a peaceful and balanced life using the tools I found in the pages of this amazing book.

I lived with a boyfriend for three years. I was married to someone else for ten years. I had several long term relationships as well. Nearly all of them ended up with me leaving because my needs were not being met.No, I don't mean my sexual needs. I mean my needs in the relationship dynamic. You see, I am a giver of support: I like to help others succeed because I fixed their resume, I prepared dinner on time so they could go to a meeting, or I followed through on a task list that was given to me. I don't want to be ordered to do things; rather, I want to be asked to do things that would help my partner and our relationship, and in return, I want to be thanked -- genuinely thanked.In reading Leading and Supportive Love, I found myself identifying with the Supportive-type. It matched my giver-nature from all my years volunteering with charities and donating time and talent. I wanted to have a defined role where I could know my position and know that my partner was going to step up, make decisions, and stand by them as well as recognize my efforts towards our joint-success. I wanted someone else to take charge and make sure that we were making progress as a team.As a volunteer as well as an employee, when I am asked to be in charge I slip into a Type-A dynamic that is rather hard-edged and intense. It doesn't really present me with a supportive side. And I want that supportive side to show through.In reviewing my past partners, I found that very few of them were Leaders in my relationship with them. Those that have the traits, I am still good friends with...and we work well together on projects to this day. Then there are others who just don't fit in either role -- and that's fine, it just means I did not get my needs met in our relationships. Then there were a few who were very much Supportive-types like me...and I could see how we spiraled into a "waiting for the other to decide/take action" vortex. Those relationships were very unhealthy for me.This book is not a primer on the BDSM concepts of Domination and submission in the sense that one partner must over-power the other, and the other relinquishing their independent thoughts or actions. A closer description would be to compare the L/S-relationship to how the 1950's era households worked: and yes, there were some of those households where the wife stayed home but was in charge of the house and it's decisions. It wasn't all The Man's decision regarding how the house operated or plans for vacations.The types defined are not gender-specific...they are type-specific. One should read the whole book before passing judgement on either type. Both of them are strong in their convictions and how they interact in a relationship. Who knows, if it's not for you...you just may see a friend in one of these types, and then better understand how their life works.

This is a good book to consider..... but it needed to make it's conclusions in harder fashion.The 27-questions tests for Leaders and Supporters were very interesting. However my wife (who took both, as I did) commented that they seemed to overlap.Sharyn Ferns (in her on-Amazon book "How to Find a Dominant Woman: For Submissive Men") says most of this book's points in one sentence: "Dominant women don't want a relationship with 'a submissive man', they want a relationship with an awesome man who submits to them."

I read this because Andrea Zanin mentioned it on her blog. I'll admit that I didn't learn a whole lot from it, because I've spent a lot of time learning about communication within relationships prior to reading this book. However, there are two exhaustive lists that I found interesting: one is of the typical characteristics of the "L" type (or "D"-type) and then of the "s" type, and the second one is of what those two groups of people would typically need to be happy in L/s relationships. Those are great to discuss needs and desires within your power dynamics either, both for the novice and the seasoned.

I (female, 47) became aware of Chris M. Lyon and her book on facebook "by chance" (maybe more likely by fate;) ). After a short consultation I read the book. And this started an amazing and thrilling inner process of self-awareness.After reading I did a lot of introspection and analyzed the partnerships I had in my life. And I began dating women with a clear focus on L/S-dynamics while closely watching myself... how I felt, how I reacted on her, what I'd loved her to do or say and what happened with me when she did not.Now I know what type I am. I know, that my longing is real and ok and not just a pattern I have to overcome (gender roles etc.). It's just me and what I need in a partnership.The most precious part of the book is imo the description of S/L-types. Concerning S-types: the emphasis on their power, their own choice (and ability to choose) and their leading role when it comes to their needs. Far away from being weak! Concerning L-types: the serving character of their leading and the fact that they are really sensitive (or need to be) about their own and their partner's needs and that selfish domineering does not mean leading.Thank you, Chris, for your time and empathic listening and your helpful hints to find my way!Feels like beginning a new life:)

Only reading until page 20 removes the basic relationship of trust that there needs to be when discussing such sensitive topics as power dynamics in relationships.- There are no references or citations to any other work- The main source of validation seems to be a "non scientific" survey of which the author shares only his own interpretation about- Doubts on the competency of the author: he seems to be a coach with experience but no publications or formal certifications- Often the author says "this is true because by speaking with professionals nobody told me this isn't the case", which is not only non scientific but also a logical fallacy

I was sent the link to this from Joomla Girl and purchased immediately - it provides so many insights that have helped me to improve my relationship and as a result I am feeling so much positive about our future.

An amazing read for anyone who hasn't quite found themselves yet.This book has helped me to understand all my previously misguided conseptions of a D/s relationship.I recommend this book to anyone and everyone who have always struggled to understand themselves or their patternFantastic read and I still refer back to it continuously.