How to Have Impossible Conversations: A Very Practical Guide

This is an incredibly important and timely book. Peter Boghossian follows up on techniques he developed for his previous book, "A Manual for Creating Atheists", designed to help people have meaningful conversations even in our current climate of division. In particular, Boghossion wants to allow people to reach out to people they disagree with - and see them not as evil to be beaten, but as different perspectives which can make for a rich conversation. This is an incredible message, and I wish this book could be in every classroom.In short, Boghossian and James Lindsay are developing Peter's idea of "street epistemology". This is an adaptation of the Socratic method - or learning to question people's assertions. Through asking asking questions, and showing genuine interest, Peter believes you can achieve more in a conversation.Suppose you're talking to someone, and you find out they have a political belief you don't like. Maybe you voted for Hillary and they voted for Trump. You could call them an idiot, but most likely all that's going to do is reinforce their preconceptions about what Hillary supporters act like. Instead, you could ask them sensible questions - such as "Why did you vote for Trump?" or "Was there a specific issue you felt Trump was stronger on?". Now you're having a real, honest conversation. Peter's belief - backed up by tons of readers trying his methods and reporting their results - is that these conversations are how you change minds and grow communities.In an era of so-called cancel culture, where being perceived to hold an incorrect belief can lead to the loss of your social circle or even your job, the authors are hoping to bridge the divide and make a space for people to talk. I think this is massively important."How to Have Impossible Conversations" is well-written, clear, and to the point. This isn't a thousand-page self-help book where a note card worth of ideas is stretched out to an entire novel. This book gives a chapter to each of its points, introducing concepts and giving you specific examples of how to apply them to conversation, and it moves on. This is essentially another field manual from Boghossian, designed to be put into practice today. I love it, and I wish more authors would learn from the format.

There are way better books out there for how to have conversations with someone whose point of view is far from one's own. "Never Split the Difference" by Chris Voss comes to mind. "Crucial Conversations" by Patterson is another. Pete and James give it a good try, and they rehash a few good ideas that are presented better elsewhere. But it's lots of stuff based on their opinion, not on research. Meh. I wasted a few bucks and some time. Look elsewhere. Maybe like "How to have that difficult conversation you've been avoiding" by Cloud or "Difficult Conversations" by Stone. You'll get a little something out of this one. But you'll get a lot more from these others. Just sayin'

In a year when political, cultural, and ethical divisions seem to be wearing so many people down, this book offers a refreshing solution. How to have difficult conversations - political, religious, personal, whatever the subject matter, Boghossian and Lindsay have put together a step-by-step guide that helps anyone navigate those sometimes hazardous waters. Seven fundamentals for good conversation. Nine ways to change minds. Fives skills for particularly emotional subjects - this book is full of practical information.I read a lot of non-fiction, but rarely do I find something so useful, that is at the same time so entertaining and. fun to read.I strongly recommend this book.

A useful and much needed manual on how to discuss with someone who disagrees with you. Most advice are fairly socratic and common sensical. Most of the recommendations discuss all the things you shouldn't say, because they will heat up the discussion and is counterproductive. Eg.— "Think of shaming someone as being like a live hand grenade (...) “There is no such thing as a diplomatic hand grenade.” Hand grenades damage or blow up bridges; they don’t build them."One of Boghossian and Lindsay's advice that is counterintuitive to me is their rejection of using facts for convincing you opponent. Most strong disagreements are based on diverging moral or ideological world views, which may not me reconciliated by pointing to facts and statistics supporting your view.— "If someone’s reasoning makes no sense, there’s a good chance they reason that way to justify a (moral) belief that cannot otherwise be justified."— "If you’re engaged in a moral conversation, your discussion is always—whether overtly or covertly—about identity issues. When you’re talking to an ideologue (or anyone else), it might appear that the conversation is about facts and ideas, but you’re inevitably having a discussion about morality, and that, in turn, is inevitably a discussion about what it means to be a good or bad person. Decoding this connection is vital."My own strategy has been to only engage in discussions with on issues where people are willing to change their minds if facts and evidence should convince them (including convince myself). Discussing with ideologues, religious and fanatical people are fruitless. This book gives sound advice how to engage with such people, too.

This eminently practical book really can be put to immediate use to make impossible conversations possible. Following its recommendations has changed the way I engage with people, and enabled me to have discussions I would not have been able to have before.

This is a very useful book. I thought I was already quite good at having productive conversations with people I disagreed with but this showed me some errors I fall into that could make me less effective in finding common ground or changing minds (including my own!) I like the way it is set up too with various techniques divided into chapters that get increasingly more advanced. They stay in your mind and help you realise when you are not being open enough or sabotaging your own efforts to listen to people and communicate your own thoughts to them. Above anything, right now, we need to be having conversations across divides and trying to heal them so I recommend this book to anyone who wants to be a part of that.

I like the writing style. The techniques are well expressed, but I find it hard to find opportunities to practice them, especially during a pandemic.

Useful from the start

essential strategies to help you communicate

Good read.